Batman's Poisonous Party
by Windrises
Summary: Bruce hosts a party to raise money for greenhouses, which peeks Poison Ivy's interest. However, a clumsy Alfred and a shady cook put the party in danger.


Note: Batman was created by writer Bill Finger and artist Bob Kane. Poison Ivy was created by Robert Kanigher and Sheldon Moldoff.

Batman returned from another day of crimefighting. He went into the Batcave, while sighing and looking exhausted. Alfred Pennyworth ran up to him, with a tray that contained Bruce's dinner. Alfred tripped over some of the Joker's playing cards and fell to the ground. The food got splattered onto the Bat Computer. Batman folded his arms and said, "With all due respect, you're not exactly the master of carefulness."

Alfred looked ashamed, while replying, "I'm awfully sorry, Master Bruce."

Batman stuck his hand in front of Alfred and responded, "Hold on, Alfred. You shouldn't call me Bruce, while I'm wearing my Batman costume."

Alfred replied, "But nobody else is here."

Batman responded, "Despite that, it's important you always call me Batman, whenever I'm in my costume. It's good for practice, in case you and Batman are ever at a public event."

Alfred replied, "I understand, Batman. I'm sorry I threw your dinner at your computer."

Batman responded, "I wasn't really that hungry. Could you just get me a glass of soda?"

Alfred replied, "Of course."

Alfred went to the kitchen, while Batman wiped fries and pizza slices off of his computer. He sat down and started looking up old pictures of his previous crimefighting adventures. Alfred returned to the Bat Cave, with a glass of soda. However, Alfred slipped over some of Two-Face's coins and accidentally threw the soda at the computer. Alfred tried to walk over to the computer, so he could wash off the soda. However, he tripped over the Penguin's umbrella and bumped into the computer. Both Alfred and the computer fell to the ground.

Batman helped Alfred get up and asked, "Are you okay?"

Alfred had a guilty look on his face, while saying, "Yes, but I've been doing such a bad job, at being your butler."

Batman looked around and saw that the Bat Cave was littered with stuff. He said, "With all due respect, old chum, I'm afraid I'm going to have to agree with you. It seems like you haven't been cleaning the Bat Cave. If anything, it looks messier."

Alfred replied, "I know. I guess I've been under a lot of pressure. Being the sole guardian, of a millionaire playboy and a superhero, is harder than you can ever imagine. We have that charity party, in a few days, so that'll add even more pressure."

Batman calmly responded, "Don't worry, Alfred. I think I have a solution, that'll put you at ease. I'll hire somebody else, to do the cooking."

Alfred replied, "Thank you, Batman."

Batman said, "Our upcoming party's going to raise a lot of money for greenhouses."

Alfred asked, "Do you think that's a worthy cause?"

Batman answered, "I sure do. Plus, I think it could help environmentalists, such as Poison Ivy, have a more positive opinion of rich businessmen."

Alfred looked amused, while saying, "I understand. You're trying to get Poison Ivy to turn over a new leaf, so you can get a new girlfriend."

Batman replied, "Don't comment on my love life, Alfred. I know I've dated a few suspicious people, like Catwoman, Talia al Ghul, and Batgirl, but I'm not trying to date Ivy. I just want to help her reform."

Alfred asked, "Is there anything I can do for you?"

Batman looked over at his computer and said, "It appears my computer got busted, when you crashed into it. Take it to Lucius Fox and have him fix it."

Alfred replied, "Okay then." Alfred picked up the computer, but he accidentally dropped it on Batman.

Batman whispered, "If Alfred keeps making these type of mistakes, I might start calling him the clown prince of butlers."

A few days later, Poison Ivy was feeding her plants, when the paperboy came by. The paperboy was supposed to deliver a newspaper to Ivy's neighbor, but he had a bad aim, which led to the paper falling on Ivy's porch. Poison Ivy grabbed the newspaper and started reading it. She saw an article, that was about Bruce Wayne's upcoming party. She looked annoyed, while saying, "Oh, great. That handsome, but spoiled millionaire is probably having another party, where he and his rich friends will waste their wealth away, because they're all rich slobs." Ivy continued reading the article and realized that the point of Bruce's party was to raise money for greenhouses. Ivy grinned, while saying, "Well, it appears I unfairly judged that rich hunk. It seems like he has a heart of gold, after all. I'm not usually one to thank the rich, but I think Mr. Wayne has earned my gratitude. I'll make a surprise visit to his party."

Meanwhile, Bruce was trying on a tuxedo. He went into the living room and saw that the rug was ripped in half, the curtains had holes in them, and the tables were broken in half. He walked up to Alfred and asked, "What's going on? This wasn't the work of an intruder, was it?"

Alfred replied, "No, Master Bruce. I'm afraid it was the work of a reckless butler, who no longer knows how to do his job."

Bruce said, "Don't worry, Alfred. You don't have to do any of the cooking, for tonight's party, so you'll get to relax. In fact, you should start resting up."

Alfred replied, "If you say so."

Bruce went to the Bat Cave, while Alfred heard a knock on the front door. Alfred opened the door and saw Lucius Fox, who was carrying the Bat Cave's computer. Lucius said, "Hi, Alfred. I fixed the computer."

Alfred replied, "That's great to hear."

Lucius handed the computer to Alfred. Alfred tried to carry it, but he accidentally tripped over the carpet. He fell to the ground and accidentally threw the computer at Lucius. Lucius fell to the ground and passed out. Alfred nervously said, "Oh, no. If Bruce finds out what I've done, I'll be in so much trouble." Alfred started dragging Lucius to the broom closet, to avoid getting caught. He turned around and saw Lucius' son, Luke Fox.

Luke Fox folded his arms and asked, "What's going on, Pennyworth?"

Alfred started sweating, while saying, "Nothing too bad."

Luke replied, "My father's passed out and you claim Bruce will be mad at you, if he finds out what you've done. You beat up my father, didn't you?"

Alfred responded, "That's not what really happened."

Luke replied, "I'm going to get revenge on you." Luke punched Alfred in the stomach. Alfred fell to the ground and passed out. Luke put his hand on his head and said, "Oh, no. If Bruce finds out I hurt his butler, he might fire my dad. I better hide the butler." Luke dragged Alfred to the broom closet. He noticed his dad was in the broom closet. He said, "He seems to be sleeping well, so I'll leave him in here, with the butler." Luke closed the broom closet's door and snuck out of Wayne Manor.

A few hours later, the cook arrived and started doing a bunch of cooking, inside of Bruce's kitchen. Bruce had been wondering where Alfred was, but he figured Alfred must of left, so he could take the day off. Bruce figured that was for the best.

Bruce looked at what the cook was making and noticed a problem. He tapped the cook on the shoulder and asked, "What are you doing?"

The cook was a fussy, unfriendly person, who hated being questioned. He said, "I'm cooking, which is my profession and it's what you hired me to do. If you spent your money on having a brain, you wouldn't have to ask me such moronic questions."

Bruce replied, "Ease up. I'm just wondering why you're putting plant leaves in the pizza."

The cook had a proud smile on his face, while saying, "Unlike other cooks, I'm creative. I find ways to spice things up and that's what I'm doing, with tonight's meal."

Bruce replied, "But you can't put plant leaves on pizza."

The cook looked offended, while responding, "I can do whatever I want. You may more money than me, but you don't have more authority than me, so don't tell me what I can't do."

Bruce responded, "But the point of this party is to raise money for greenhouses. Using plants for a digesting dinner isn't going to help my cause."

The cook responded, "I don't care about your cause. I care about my cooking and I'll do whatever it takes, to make the best food." Bruce gave the cook a disapproving look.

An hour later, guests started coming to the party. Alfred was still in the broom closet, so Bruce was the one, who checked the guest list and welcomed people in. Suddenly, Poison Ivy arrived, while wearing a red dress. Bruce and Ivy blushed at the sight of each other. Bruce tried to keep his cool, while Ivy walked closer. Bruce said, "Um, hi, Poison Ivy. I don't memorize guest lists, but I'm assuming you're not on my list."

Poison Ivy replied, "Well, that would be a bit disappointing, considering your party is about saving my babies."

Bruce asked, "Your babies? I thought Harley was joking about you and her considering adopting kids."

Poison Ivy replied, "I'm not talking about kids. I'm talking about my baby plants. If your party goes well, a lot of greenhouses will be built, which will save a lot of plants."

Bruce responded, "I was assuming you'd like that."

Poison Ivy smirked, while saying, "You know, you can accuse me of having a big ego, but I get the feeling you arranged this party, in order to get my attention."

Bruce asked, "Why would you think that?"

Poison Ivy asked, "When has another millionaire ever had a plant-themed party?"

Bruce said, "I care about the environment. I also care about you." Ivy blushed. Bruce nervously said, "I care about reforming you."

Poison Ivy replied, "It's the humans, who need to reform themselves. Destroying innocent plants is nothing short of heartless."

Bruce responded, "Poisoning humans is even worse."

Poison Ivy replied, "I only poison humans, who endanger my darling plants."

Bruce responded, "I can respect your desire to save plants, but that doesn't justify poisoning people."

The cook started prancing by, with a boastful look on his face. He started prancing around, while saying, "It's time you spoiled millionaires had a real meal and that's what I'm going to provide for you. My pizza has a special addition of leaves, which come from plants."

Poison Ivy angrily said, "That cook's ruining plants, so he can make disgusting pizzas? I'm going to poison his taste buds."

Bruce replied, "Hold on, Ms. Ivy. You can't poison him. I'm not going to let him do that."

Poison Ivy responded, "Well, if you let that cook get away with this, your charity event will be a sham."

Bruce replied, "You're right. I think I know somebody, who can take care of this problem. Please, excuse me." Bruce started sneaking away. He went into the Bat Cave and got on his Batman costume.

A few minutes later, Batman popped into Wayne Manor. Poison Ivy whispered, "Has Batman come here, because he doesn't trust me? If he causes me problems, I might have to poison him, along with that dastardly cook."

The cook looked at Batman, while saying, "It's an honor to meet you, Batman. I've been wanting to serve you my priceless eggs and pies, for a long time. I don't have either of those treats, tonight, but I can give the best pizza you've ever had."

Batman sternly replied, "You better stop destroying innocent plants."

The cook shook his fist at Batman and responded, "I'll do whatever it takes, to make delicious food. Since you stand in my way, I must get rid of you." The cook did an evil laugh, while charging towards Batman. Batman kicked the cook, who fell to the ground and passed out.

Poison Ivy walked up to Batman and asked, "Have you come, because of me?"

Batman said, "I only came, because my buddy, Bruce Wayne, told me about what the cook is doing. You didn't do anything wrong, for once, so you're off the hook. I called the police. I'll have them take the cook away. In order to not disturb the party guests, I'll keep the cook in the broom closet, until the police arrive." Batman opened the broom closet and put the cook in there. He was surprised to see Alfred and Lucius napping in there.

A few minutes later, Commissioner Gordon came into Wayne Manor. He opened the broom closet and saw Alfred, Lucius, and the cook. He smiled and said, "Well, this looks like a great hotel." Commissioner Gordon started resting in the broom closet.

Bruce walked up to Poison Ivy and asked, "Is everything okay?"

Poison Ivy said, "Yes it is. Thank you for having Batman save the plants."

Bruce replied, "You're welcome. Thank you for not poisoning anybody."

Poison Ivy responded, "I'm not used to doing favors. I have a favor, that I'd like to ask of you."

Bruce asked, "What is it?"

Poison Ivy stuck her hand out and asked, "Will you dance with me?"

Bruce smiled and said, "Sounds delightful." Bruce and Poison Ivy started dancing with each other.

Poison Ivy said, "This is the best party I've ever been to."

Bruce replied, "And you're the best environmentalist I've ever danced with. You should stop poisoning stuff. You're too beautiful, inside and out, for such rotten behavior."

Poison Ivy smiled and responded, "Maybe I can turn over a new leaf."

Bruce replied, "You would be the most beautiful leaf of them all."

Poison Ivy responded, "Wow, that was a really dorky attempt at flirting."

Bruce replied, "Fair enough."

Poison Ivy responded, "However, I think you've earned a dorky attempt at a kiss."

Bruce replied, "It'd be nice to get a kiss from a rose, as long as you're not a poisonous rose." Poison Ivy kissed Bruce. Bruce breathed a sigh of relief, that the kiss didn't poison him. Bruce and Ivy continued dancing, while Alfred, Lucius, the cook, and Gordon kept sleeping in the broom closet.


End file.
